by Dani Lasher

Birth Plan Masterclass Module 1

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  • Birth Plan Masterclass Module 1

October 6, 2020 | The Birth Circle

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    So, in this lesson, you’re getting a three-part masterclass really with three separate lessons in it. And we’re going to go over the benefits of having a birth plan. And the real purpose behind that. lesson two is going to cover all of the things you should include in your birth plan, and then maybe some of the things that it’s okay to exclude. And finally, in lesson three, we’re going to discuss Plan B, which is really what you do when your plans go awry, and how to harness a little just enough control that that we don’t feel like a ball of anxiety, right? So, this masterclass is absolutely relevant to whatever stage of pregnancy you’re in, you’re going to find that it’s never too late to change the course or on to change providers to change your birth location. Some women would say to change your partner, um, it’s really, it’s not too late. If you haven’t had that baby, yet you have time. women, women make these changes every day and don’t think that it’s unusual, or the doctors don’t see it just because you maybe haven’t seen it.

    So, let’s jump right into lesson one. Um, you know, I often see mothers and support groups and social media groups, things of this sort. And they’re asking everyone else, what’s in your birth plan, can I see it, I need like a template I, I need to know what I’m going off of. But what I really find is that a lot of them, almost, literally just copy someone else’s birth plan, they don’t put a ton of thought into their own. And that’s important, because even natural childbirth, all of those birth experiences are not the same. And they don’t need to be, you know, this isn’t, this isn’t a cake recipe, we don’t need to follow an itinerary. It really should be crafted to you and your needs, and even your specific, you know, medical problems or whatever you’re taking into the delivery space with you. So, birth plans really do serve an important role.

    I know we’ve all heard the stories about you know, the woman who walked into the ER just short of giving birth in the parking lot, and some of them in the parking lot. But that really is a rare event. Don’t assume that you’re going to be so fortunate that not only do you not have time to second guess your choices, but neither does the hospital stuff. Birth plans are a great way to communicate with your provider during labor. But what I really like to use them as a way to plan your pregnancy and your birth, and to communicate with your provider. Throughout your prenatal care experience. This really shouldn’t be reserved and left until the last minute. Um, truth be told, if you add up all those appointments that you get with an obstetrician during the course of your pregnancy, most of you are going to find you’re spending maybe six hours with your obstetrician in total over those nine to 10 months. Um, midwives are definitely a different experience, usually even hospital midwives, usually you might get a half hour of their time home birth midwives are on a whole different

    level for sure, I think, I don’t know if mine’s ever here less than two hours. So while you walk into labor and delivery with your mind full of choices you made over those nine months, and you thought about them over and over again, your OB hasn’t developed or hasn’t devoted as much time as you have to memorizing all of your wishes. And that’s not really their fault.

    They have a lot of patients in their rotation, and they get maybe 15 or 20 minutes with you, you know, once or twice a month or, and so it’s just the way our system is set up. And we could have a whole other class someday on how broken our system is. But we have to work within the confines of what we have. And I want you to know that you can still have a really optimal experience within those boundaries. Um, so we just have to respect that and then cut the doctors in slack. And what that does mean is our birth team needs to be prepared to make sure nothing is carried out as part of like routine behavior of the staff or the provider that you don’t want. So, the birth plan really helps you and your provider by giving them sort of a roadmap to help you reach your successful natural birth. And you know, part of the problem that usually comes up with providers is the woman goes into it early on. She says Well, I’m looking for XYZ kind of birth and the doctor is cool with it. You’re both new to each other feels like you have nothing to lose. And then the longer you go in that relationship with that provider, and its home, it’s worse when you have an easier pregnancy. Because as you’re spending all those months developing a relationship with them, and they aren’t reporting any bad news to you, you kind of internally start to trust them more almost like you’re giving them credit for not pushing an intervention on you, even though there hasn’t been any need for one.

    It’s a little twisted the way we give them credit now. But that makes you internalize kind of a trust you built up the more time you spend with them naturally. And so at the end, and it’s always at the end, you know, when you’re getting pushed to be induced, because you’re overdue, or C section, because your doctor isn’t skilled and breech, or whatever it is, the answer is always the same on the woman’s end, like, I didn’t see this coming. I can’t believe they did this to me. And when I go back, you know, I’ve had the luxury of having these groups and spending years and multiple births with some of the same women. And I usually go back in their posts, when they say they didn’t see it coming. And I can see it coming. Once I point that out to them, they kind of see like, there are these red flags, why did I ignore them, we ignore them for the same reason we ignore red flags, when we really want the guy we just met to be the one right? We want the outcome we want; we don’t want it to be so excruciatingly hard to find that, what seems like a needle in a haystack kind of provider, that’s just going to leave us be and let us birth. And so, we ignore red flags. And but it invites too many of us in the rear end. And so, I want to confront the red flags in the beginning. And the more women I’ve worked with him on that level, and the more of them that have followed this method, the greater outcomes that we’re seeing. So, you know, I think it’s important that we understand, we’re all human. And, and none of us are really conflict oriented, despite what the world might look like, sometimes even people who you could say belong to the misery loves company bunch, they don’t like confrontation. So, neither your part nor you, likely, your partner likely wants to bring up a birth plan, I guess what you would call deal breakers, okay, and your provider doesn’t want to either.

    Nobody wants to start off on that foot and say, you know, if you do this, this and this, you’re out. Um, we make it feel like we’re bringing up kids and life insurance policies on the first date or something. But if you take the task at hand out of it, this scenario is really like that. It’s like, guy needs girl and guy wants one thing, and girl just wants him to love her, right? The doctor wants to make a sale, and they want to extend their services to you. And you will happily choose the doctor, if they will tell you what you want to hear right now. And how many times did those relationships turn sour after the woman has given them though, right? And there’s nothing she can take back; she can’t go backwards. So, I’m impatient, important to hold out a little bit on that commitment with the provider. And since we can’t really date them, and you know, that would that wouldn’t make sense. We can’t go like shopping for providers, essentially, and trial them out for several weeks. It’s not convenient, but we can lay our cards on the table up front. And you would actually be very surprised how many of them are receptive to this and, and much more interested in getting down to business and they find it really refreshing to not have to worry about dancing around your feelings, or if they’re going to catch you off guard eventually, when you just lay it all out in the beginning, it really works out better in the long term. Um, so don’t think are the minority. It is not unusual to bring your birth plan in very early even at that first interview. Yes, you should be interviewing.

    Um, here’s the thing, though. You know, that’s exactly when you should be bringing this up. This isn’t a time to play games, the midwife or the doctor are not the guy that you’re hoping calls you after the first date. They’re a provider, they are giving you a service. They’re not going to come chase you down. If you don’t like what they have to offer, you can go to someone else. It’s your choice. It really can be easy if you let it be the service provider that you’re speaking with when you’re in an interview kind of format, it can feel tense. And believe it or not, when you bring up these issues, it kind of works is like this really big icebreaker, like, you get the hard stuff out of the way first. And I know it’s a very emotional time. And it’s obviously a life changing experience for you. But it’s still a job to them, no matter how invested they become in your well-being and your happiness and, and your baby being born healthy. And all of those things matter, of course, but the way they’re approaching you, this is their job. It’s not something they are emotionally tied to the way that you are. So, you should just be as direct and as inquisitive with them, as you would have a contractor remodeling your bathroom or a doctor, you were going to for an organ transplant or whatever you might end up with the wrong provider. If you go into it timid, the first impression really does matter. Just like what they say to you matters, right. They’re also gauging your behavior and kind of feeling out. For lack of a nicer way to say it, what they’re going to have to deal with working with you, if you’re very sensitive, if you’ve been through trauma, if you know, if you have requests that they aren’t comfortable with, it really is better to know that up front than to ignore it and hope it goes away. It will not go away.

    When it comes down to labor and delivery time. Most of the time, it is the mother that can see it’s not the doctor, almost always it’s just the way it’s going to work out. It’s their playground, it’s their field, their turf, whatever, it’s their rules most of the time, and they have substantially more experience in this argument than you do.

    Human beings kind of have I don’t ask don’t tell tendency when we have our hopes up like, like I said, when you meet that guy, and you want it to go right so badly that you make concessions for behaviors you thought you’d never tolerate, right? That’s the beginning. You get to chart the road that you’re you know, your roadmap for your birth? Do you want someone with you that really is on the same page that you are? Or do you want a provider who expects you to hide how you feel? Or spring in on them at the last minute?

    Would that serve either of you? Well, it won’t. It won’t. It doesn’t it never does. I’ve seen it 10,000 times. Inside the birth circle membership. We review issues like this and the and prenatal care quite a bit. And as part of the reason I created the membership was to try to help us be the change we want to see in this industry. Um, this kind of reminds me of a client I had Kristin. So, she came to me at about eight months. Um, her provider was already talking induction if she, you know went too far over her due date. It was October her baby was due in late November, right around Thanksgiving. So, the holiday season is notorious for suddenly requiring boatloads of inductions that wouldn’t have been necessary from where the babies were born in May. Um, Kristen was intent on having a natural birth. And like most mothers require or you know, pursuing that goal. She saw induction as not only more painful to endure, but something that really significantly increase the chances that she would not end up with a natural vaginal birth. Um, so Kristen and I had a real heart to heart. First, we talked about what needed to change and she agreed. Should there ever be an issue that actually pose risks to her baby, if she stayed pregnant, she would induce like me right away. But obviously more than six weeks in advance with no prenatal health complications, her provider had no such concerns. Somehow Kristen still felt powerless though, okay. She just knew that at her next appointment, her doctor would bring it up again. And she didn’t know how to change her doctor’s mind. This is where we have to reframe our own thoughts. We don’t have to convince our providers to agree with us. We have to convince them to respect us. And this is such a big reason I feel the birth plan is vital early in the game, because you can gauge so much from a doctor’s responses to your questions that spares you from all this heartache and difficulty later on. I’m Kristen actually emailed her provider before her next appointment confrontation is easier behind a keyboard if you didn’t know. So, this allowed her a chance to get her feelings on paper, edit them 13 times and, you know, send them off when she was confident about what she was saying how she was saying it. And she told her doctor, she was concerned that he would bring up induction without any evidence base reason for it, and, or at least that he didn’t tell her. And so, she wanted to know what his concerns were, that would warrant performing an induction. And he called her, which did catch her off guard a bit. But that’s fairly routine for practitioners. And like I said, their way they’re so used to this, and that confrontation doesn’t bother them as much as it bothers us. So, you know, they might, they might come across as though they’re being confrontational, when really, they’re just accustomed to the practice. Um, what’s important to remember is, even though they have more experience more practice with this scenario, because they see women like you all day, every day, you have more experience with your body than your provider does. So, Christine’s doctor told her, they would have to wait and see what you know, transpired and see if it was safe for her to go beyond 41 weeks has his deadline was 41 weeks, they all have their own deadline. Um, so she was prepared for this response, because we discussed it. And on her next appointment, she showed up with printouts of the data that shows there’s lacking support for inducing based on due dates, and then even a cog supports going to 42 up to 42 weeks in six days.

    You know, strictly basing it off of due dates. And so, she turned the tables, she caught her provider off guard, and he actually told her, he would take the information with him to review later. And whether he did or not, I guess she’ll never know, she did not go to the same doctor for her next child. But she did happily spend the rest of that pregnancy without her provider bringing up induction again. So, I think I just want you to get a feel for that kind of experience. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that it can’t happen for you. Because that’s one of hundreds of experiences, experiences that it happens all the time. With the right kind of coaching and, and good language behind it, it absolutely works, you just have to kind of meet your provider where they are. So that’s a good side note, one of the tools that I regularly use with doctors is reframing what they say, if you pay attention to what they say you can reiterate their statements to themselves that can help them think a little more critically about the terminology they use, you know, to describe the process that they’re there to support. Um, for example, doctors almost always use the term due date, this is going to seem like a technicality. It’s not, it’s intentional. The correct terminology is really estimated due date. But our society has become very comfortable with questions like, when are you due? And why isn’t that baby here yet, right. And if we truly want to change, even if it doesn’t change in time for us, but maybe in time for our daughters, or our future daughters in law, we have to stand up to that now. And so, when a doctor asks me, when is your due date? I tell them I don’t know when the baby will be born, but my estimated due date is XYZ.

    It might sound a little snarky and comical, but does it make them stop and look up at me? Like, no one’s ever said that before? Absolutely every time. And then they internally question themselves. Some of them might like snicker and it’s good. It’s it, it makes the mental impact and they remember me for that. So, it’s kind of like Mission accomplished. Be the patient. They remember not because you were difficult, but because you made them just uncomfortable enough that they had to step up their game. They will never tell you they did believe me. But you do have that power. Um, you know, consider this kind of the first step in many that aim to help you feel more comfortable going against the grain because that is what you’re doing by pursuing natural childbirth. There are going to be choices you make that maybe you don’t know a lot of people that support or agree with them, at least in real life, you know, we have your back here. But every step you take intentionally to be okay with that and exercise your right to not follow the herd, it gets easier, it becomes your way of life and it becomes almost thought effortless, thoughtless, you. It’s just who you transform into. And we want providers to change the way they’re treating pregnant women. And we cannot do that by hiding our needs from them. We won’t do it by scheduling inductions that we don’t show up to, that does not entice a provider to question why we would do that or to lend us any amount of empathy or respect.

    We will make that change happen by telling them why we’re not agreeing to induction, we won’t do it by spraying our plans on them at nine months along. We do it by telling them at nine weeks, hey, I’m, you know, I asked you these few questions in our interview, I really respect the time you lent me. But we’re going to go with a different provider who respects our choice to ABC and XYZ, right? Or we’re going to go with this doctor over here because it really sounds like they practice evidence-based care, or you feel me when you make those comments to a doctor. Trust me, I know these doctors and it resonates it, um, they take it home with them that night, and they don’t forget it. And when we have more and more women, making those comments planting those seeds, I’m positive changes grow out of it.

    So, you might be able to guess what I’m about to say. But you really should be interviewing several providers. I feel like this is this weird thing that like only people usually do for midwife like home births, they’ll go interview them. Um, but even as an OB GYN, you should be interviewing several of them, you should be finding your brand out there. Um, even if you have been with your gyno for years, interview your options. Don’t be afraid of change. Take your birth plan to each and every one of those interviews and be that woman show up with your checklist knowing what you won’t budge on and what isn’t negotiable. Before they tell you how they feel. You should you really should do this, even with a gynecologist you’ve always had because you have no idea what their view of childbirth is most likely. I’m just having seen them as a guy No.

    You can start practicing building this relationship with your provider during pregnancy.

    We often we often think we won’t know how our doctor will behave right until we’re at the delivery room. That’s not true. You can put them to the test much sooner. You can discuss potential events, hypotheticals, you know, if your 24 weeks ask them, Hey, what’s your favorite method of induction? And why? Or what would you say is the number one reason that you induce patients, you’re absolutely free to gently interrogate your doctor. This not only helps give you insight into their practices as a provider, but it lets them know kind of who they’re dealing with, and how far they may or may not feel comfortable pushing you to consent to things. You know, interventions as well as how this is important, it will show them kind of what they can expect from you in the delivery room. Um, if you’re meek and mild and you appear kind of timid, your whole pregnancy. A doctor is not necessarily going to think twice about recommending interventions you don’t need. Because they typically view those women as almost like you need the doctor to advocate and choose for you. But if you give them the impression, you’re capable and you’re prepared to take the wheel throughout your pregnancy, they’re not going to question that dirty labor, they’re going to be less likely to try to take it away from you. And that’s really what you want. You have to show them throughout pregnancy that you know your stuff. And it’s just human nature. That’s just how we work in order to avoid conflict. It’s not an agenda. It’s not most of these doctors really are out there to just do their job and do how they think they’re doing well at it. Um, so during your pregnancy, make sure your provider is keen on informed consent. This is the Big deal. Ask them how is this intervention, you would recommend going to change my experience moving forward? Never ever hesitate to put them on the spot and ask them for more time to decide about something if they spring something on you in an appointment like, Oh, well, this week, you’re all you know, one of the common ones is Rhogam. Anti D has many names. But Rhogam is the most popular us brand. And a lot of women don’t even know anything about it. I’m surprised how many women don’t even know their blood type. But they often spring that on you just during your checkup, they don’t tell you even the appointment before next time, you’re going to get this look into it. And so, then you’re stuck there thinking oh, no, and they’re like, we have to get it now I have to get it at 28 weeks, you can’t wait till your next appointment, which is not true. But, um, those are the things you want to kind of be a step ahead of them one. But if something comes up, that you’re not fully aware of. Absolutely, if it is not like a life or death emergency, ask for time tell, you don’t even have to ask then tell them, I’m going to take this information home, and, you know, I will call you or email you or I’ll see you at my next appointment, whatever, however you want to follow up, it can be on your terms, but there is never, ever a reason where your provider can legitimately deny you time to consider your options or to consider whether you want an intervention or not.

    Just a quick checklist, you know, feel free to note these down, but I’m going to be sending them to you anyway.

    I think the biggest problem with informed choice is that doctors actually think they’re giving it that is not entirely their fault, either. And I don’t I use the word doctors routinely. But there’s plenty of midwives out there who are also practicing the same way. Um, they don’t know what they don’t know, right, just like many of us, just the reason you’re here, it’s almost like they need a supplemental education. And they really do, there should be so much continuing education going on for childbirth practitioners, and there’s not, but you have to be your own advocate here. That’s where the legwork comes in. That’s what this membership will really help you with the research files and prompting you to dig into certain things you wouldn’t have questioned before. Like I said, you have to stay a step ahead. It’s just Unfortunately, the way that it is. But it doesn’t have to be hard. Um, when you truly have informed choice, you’re going to be more informed and informed than your provider sometimes. So when you go and ask them a certain question about a certain intervention, and you should, you should pick one on purpose that you’ve really dug into well, and you really know well, because it’s going to stand out to you immediately, if they reply to you, and their response is not all inclusive, or they’re leaving out very important details that you know, they may be purposely leaving them out, or they may be unaware either way. They’re not up to snuff, right? So, it’s really vital that you are aware of all of your choices, and not necessarily that your provider just tells all of the options to you. But you should be gauging whether or not they are. And that’s going to give you very valuable insight on what type of Doctor you’re dealing with. Um, if there are options or risks or benefits that your doctor doesn’t bring up, or your midwife, absolutely bring them up, say, you know, thank you for the information they gave you. I noticed you didn’t mention XYZ I’ve read about that. Can you tell me you know the risks and benefits of this, but her answer to that is going to tell you a lot more about what kind of provider they are and how informed they are. Um, you should never feel rushed. Like you don’t have time to ask your doctor questions before they’re moving on to the next patient. If the office feels like a factory, or like you’re being herded, and it just doesn’t sit right with you. There are absolutely other options and you should entertain them. Um, number four here is you receive answers to your satisfaction. So, what this really makes me think of is I have a lot of clients who, you know, we might one week we discuss a problem.

    And the plan of action is they’re going to go to their provider, they’re going to ask this set of questions and then they’re going to sit with those responses. So, I leave those phone calls. And maybe a few days or a week later, we kind of reconvene. And the client tells me while I asked them, you know, XYZ, and this is what they said, and I’ll say, Okay, if it’s just silence, I kind of can gauge that the client is not feeling any better. And like, how are you feeling about that? And it’s usually like, I don’t know, or I don’t feel like this changes anything. So, they’re not satisfied. Now, satisfaction doesn’t mean that you’re going to be told what you want to hear. For me, satisfaction would mean that if I asked them an evidence-based question that they can answer me honestly and completely, I would not be satisfied with anything less than that, even if the answer is complete. But it’s like bad news, I don’t want to hear I would still rather hear that complete answer I want at all, at all odds, I want my provider to be practicing evidence-based medicine, and I want that for all of you.

    So if they’re giving you some kind of vague response, like they’re rushing you out the door, or they want to hurry up and move on to the next question, or they don’t want to get caught in some kind of traffic delay, you’re setting for them where they promise, you know, induction or something, I don’t know, there’s always something, then that leaves you feeling like, it feels a little icky, right? Like, they just are trying to pull the wool over your eyes or be evasive move on, that’s not the provider for you. You should always have time to think about your options and discuss them with your provider, but also discuss them with your whole birth team and your partner. Um, and ultimately, whatever choice you come back with, even if your provider was very clearly biased, and very strongly recommending a certain option, and you’re turning that down, that shouldn’t be respected. And if it’s not, yes, in some cases, providers will discharge you.

    State law, in most every state to my knowledge requires them to act as your provider for at least 28 days, some states or longer, until you can secure other care.

    But it really isn’t common, most providers are kind of going to sit down and be quiet after you’ve said, Well, I’m going to do what I want. They may not love it, but they are going to move on with their day, you’re not their only patient. Again, they’re not super emotionally invested in you, and in your birth like you are. So, consider that. Really, their biggest fear is liability and kind of an intrinsic loss of control, because many of them sadly, do approach birth as something they should be managing. So that’s really important to look for with your provider if they if they are managing you or if they’re supporting you, there’s a very big difference. Don’t doubt the way they make you feel it’s going to tell you more than what they say.

    So, during your pregnancy, again, make sure informed consent is like at the top of the list, that’s going to be paramount in your care. Do not be swayed out of giving up informed consent, just to go with a provider that tells you what you want to hear. When you meet with your provider, even if you’re farther along. Now, this is a beneficial step to take them through, like no one wants to change providers, but it really is easier the less pregnant you are. Ask them direct questions, gauge the response and ask yourself how does this make me feel? One of the really important mindset tools that we need to take into childbirth is not too fun. And this term, its kind of stems from like that deer in headlights, right? We were paralyzed by something that caught you off guard. And we are sometimes as women in childbirth, we’re kind of taken aback by choice we have.

    It is a choice.

    Every intervention is a choice. And I tell women all the time induction, C-section, vacuum, forceps, etc. They cannot just happen to you because so many women are scared of these interventions. They’re scared they’re going to end up induced you can’t just end up induced you have to choose it. And we have to reframe that mindset because we are actually part of the problem here. We’re acting like or enacting. Like something just happens to us and placing that victim mentality upon ourselves. We are getting more authority to providers to treat women this way.

    And it’s a valuable discussion. Because often, why women are afraid of these measures, what they’re really scared of is being the one that has to call the shots. They’re scared of making the wrong decision. They’re scared of losing their birth plan. They’re scared of induction, they’re scared of what if the induction wasn’t going to be necessary, and then I regret that they’re scared of, you know, what, if the induction is necessary, and I turned it down, something happens to my baby, and there’s all this fear. If you have immense education, and empowerment, that will go away. And that’s why you’re in the first circle. That is what you need. Sometimes, believe it or not, um, women are almost relieved to give that autonomy over themselves up, they don’t always want the emotional backlash that they’ll put themselves through, if they make a choice and things go wrong.

    Um, emotionally, it can just feel easier to blame the provider. But we have to stop looking at this as though the only possible outcomes are something bad happens, and it’s my fault, or something bad happens, and it’s my doctors’ fault. Why aren’t we relishing all the good that can happen, and it’s far more likely to statistically if you are educated and empowered, and that is what you should be doing throughout your pregnancy. Um, I sometimes it’s my nerdy little birth analogy, but it’s the way I think of it. You know, during childbirth, we really have this whole systematic, fine-tuned machine inside of us, right? That is like building up pressure building, building, building and growing into this, this capable, strong organ that that injects our baby for us, that wasn’t there hours ago, that that the whole muscular definition of it changes.

    And that is what we should be doing in pregnancy, we should be reshaping ourselves, we should be exercising our rights in order to build like the muscle to enforce them and stand up for them. It takes practice, no one is just good at it. There’s not just a flock of women who are good with standing up for themselves. And they, they are okay with confrontation. And they’re strong willed. And then there’s this, these other women that are shy and soft spoken. All of them can benefit from the same exercise, I have seen the most shy, timid on soft spoken, women come out guns blazing at labor time, because they’re not going to be pushed into a corner. It just requires practice, you have to exercise a little bit throughout the pregnancy, to become familiar with those muscles, and know how to use them.

    And it will work that way it works. And this is another reason why the brain tool is particularly amazing. If you haven’t heard that acronym. It’s fantastic. And I’ll actually be sending you a handout soon on it. But another part of this that we don’t want to overlook is preparing for birth. And how our partners and our birth team make us feel it’s not all about the doctor or the midwife. You know, don’t pick a doula that you aren’t super comfy with. Don’t, there are all kinds of birth workers and support people out there and if someone is making you feel like you should question yourself or maybe natural birth isn’t for you or they’re not jiving with your birth plan. It’s just not your person. It’s not personal move on and find someone that really jives with you and that you have a good vibe with and it’s going to heighten your birth experience so much more. Um, you know, if you’re not feeling heard or validated or supported by your partner, work it out now start working on that now during labor all you’re going to want to feel is heard and validated and supported I promise you.

    Um, you know, a lot of women asked me like, I don’t know how to make my birth plan in the beginning because I haven’t researched all my options. So, I don’t know which way I want to go on this or that and that’s fine. No one’s asking you to have it all worked out the day you get you know, a positive test. But make a short list figure out what you absolutely want your birth to look like. And then look at Okay, what are the things that could make this not work out and Are those your deal breakers that’s the kind of information you want to take your doctor’s interview starting out. And you should be going over the same thing with the rest of your birth team and with your partner. partners are not always just on board with what you want to do. There’s lots of lots of them out there that are afraid of home birth or they just there aren’t as knowledgeable as you are because you’re the one doing all the digging which is almost always the way it is. It’s always It’s always moms even way after you have the baby. But your partner needs to feel that you support them too.

    And it’s okay if you don’t agree with everything up front, it’s not concrete, your plan can change. But for everyone’s sake, it’s best to kind of have a list of deal breakers early on, and a picture of what you want your labor experience to look like. You can build the same kind of trust and empathy with your partner throughout your pregnancy that you do with your provider. You don’t need to wait till the end or wait till the childbirth class start now. You know, get into it together get excited!

  • I feel like I’ve been shouting from the roof tops to “take your birth plan in your first trimester to your provider to discuss it” for years. I’m so glad you think so also! Empowerment and education can change the way we view childbirth, I really believe that. ❤️

  • The way this was worded made it sound like midwives give you less time than a OB does and that bothers me!

    Obgyns have a HUGE habit of making me feel like another ticket at the deli counter. Midwives have always sat down to take the time and talk to me even more so with the home birth midwives than the registered hospital capability midwife.

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