My Journey To Becoming “Anti-Vaccine”

Anti-vaccine. It’s one of those terms some of us in this community cringe over. I’m not actually against vaccines or medicine in general. Rather, I want safer vaccines. I was surprised when I “came out” with our stance in a public way… and found out a large number of our friends and family supported us and haven’t vaccinated either. How did so many people come to share this view, and is it really all to blame on allegedly crooked scientists and celebrities making claims of autism?


I wasn’t always “anti-vax”. But my time spent being such is the only time I have actually been fully informed on vaccines in my life. I grew up in a typical nuclear family. My worst memory of my pediatrician was that he had cold hands. I didn’t have any kind of innate distrust in doctors. In fact, my mother worked in a hospital and to this day, I find some odd sense of comfort when I visit one (or it’s just the only place I can check into as a mom where someone takes care of me). I had my first child at just 18 years old and never once questioned vaccines. Everyone did it. At least I thought they did.


But Here Come Those Questions


When baby #2 came along, I again proceeded with the CDC’s recommended vaccine schedule. But then something happened, as it does for most who find themselves in my shoes. Something happens to their child or someone they love and it leads to questioning something we probably should’ve been questioning all along. My initial concerns began when a friend’s child regressed after receiving their shots.


Many doctors admit there is a link between vaccines and the brain damage and illness we are seeing in today’s kids. Many are aware of issues like MTHFR—the gene mutation that impacts a decent chunk of the population and could potentially mean life or death when it comes to vaccines. Doctors routinely give out medical exemptions from vaccines to families with MTHFR, and yet we aren’t at all concerned with warning parents before vaccinating to issue a simple test for this?

Why Believe This Glorified Mom Blogger?


Pouring over peer-reviewed medical journals for years is what got me to where I am now. I actually used to spend my days spinning scholarly research into marketable content that was very pro pharma. That’s not something anyone would expect from me these days. That was a soul-sucking profession being paid to finesse the truth and mislead people.


 It doesn’t surprise me that a study published in the American Journal of Public Health showed the majority of people who don’t vaccinate are wealthy, college-educated folks. That aligns fairly well with most I know who are on the same page with us. Sure, I question those who aren’t willing to listen. What’s the worst that can happen? For me, I had to admit the decisions I made to vaccinate weren’t actually informed ones. Ouch!


I didn’t create the studies that point to aluminum being toxic to us. I didn’t force the hands of manufacturers that are accused of fraud. I’m just the messenger. I’m the easy target that you can reach because they’re untouchable. Still, at the end of the day, you don’t need to believe me, and I don’t care whether you do.


What I care about is informed consent. Only you know if you’re fully informed, and I’ll never ask anyone to admit to me that they weren’t. This isn’t a battle of right vs. wrong for me, nor one of whose ego trumps all or who can come up with the best clapback that garners the most ‘likes’. I’m not a keyboard warrior. I’m a warrior mom, and this is just my story.  

Something Wicked This Way Comes


CBS 58

Science has indeed shown that the adjuvants in vaccines can cause swelling (encephalitis) in the brain which leads individuals to exhibits behaviors we happen to diagnose as Autism. Feel free to confirm such in any medical journal or vaccine insert. Truthfully, these kids deserve their own label, and the vaccines deserve credit for the brain damage we know they can cause. Children who are actually born with Autism deserve to be separated from this flock, too, in my opinion.


Maybe my mother’s intuition was creeping in at this point because the diagnosis of autism for my friend’s child was enough to make me push pause and decide to delay and space vaccines for baby #2. Despite such, it was following vaccination at two years that my child changed. Going from fully potty-trained to not, and becoming inconsolable at times during massive tantrums that would eventually lead to a slew of diagnoses, my mommy radar began to worry—in silence.


My whole family was vaccinated. Most of them were not the research junkies I was, and there are healthcare professionals in my family as well. So, I did what many “anti-vaxxers” do and kept it to myself. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that now. I thought I was keeping my relationships with them more stable by not unleashing the truth, but holding it in only caused me to distance myself anyway.

If Vaccines Are So Great, Why Force The Issue?


They’re so miraculous that they’re given away for free, and sometimes you even score a gift card in the process. That should make us think—perhaps about whether there is a hidden cost we’re paying—since our medical industry is built on being profit-driven. If vaccines are so beneficial, why do officials claim they’re mandatory when they’re not? Why can’t vaccines stand on their own merits?


Instead of commercials of solemn teens asking why Mom and Dad didn’t choose Gardasil, why not tell parents about the $5,877,710 awarded to just 49 of the victims of Gardasil injury by 2013 — just seven years after it was added to the market, per the Washington Times? Why can’t we let parents know about the study showing this vaccine impairs fertility in millions, via the Journal of Toxicology and Environmental Health?


Why are we only fearful of the diseases that get splashed across media pages? Conveniently, those being the ones we have vaccines for. Why isn’t everyone up in arms over leprosy? Some 200 people are diagnosed with leprosy in the US each year.

Ah, The Opinions Of Others


I’m quite fortunate that my other half is fully on board and shares my views on vaccines. Not every couple reaches the same agreement. There are certainly people in our circle who likely disagree, but they have remained respectful of our choice, and honestly, I don’t think any of them have put in the effort to research vaccines as heavily as we have.


At the end of the day, I am grateful to have a well-educated family that understands our position. Some people believe that if a child isn’t vaccinated, they must be harboring illness all the time. I question… if vaccines work, and their child is vaccinated, then why should it matter?

The Truth About Herd Immunity


That brings us to herd immunity. Let’s talk about that. Herd immunity is assumed to work when around 95 percent of the population is fully vaccinated (though it can be lower for some viruses), and it actually stems from communities that have acquired natural immunity—something vaccines cannot provide. Those claims such people make that it is non-vaccinated children who are bringing measles, mumps, and so forth back? Why aren’t they telling us that less than 50 percent of adults are fully vaccinated?


Back in 1985, only 53 percent of kids were vaccinated for polio, per the CDC. We have never been a 95 percent fully-vaccinated population. We also never fully eradicated these illnesses. Take polio for instance. When the vaccine was introduced, the diagnostic criteria were also changed for the illness, ensuring fewer people would be diagnosed with it simply because they wouldn’t meet the new criteria. The illness that was once termed polio is now called many other things, including Guillain-Barré syndrome and aseptic meningitis, which still occur. Polio of the past has also been frequently blamed on the spraying of DDT.

The Vaccine Injury Compensation Act



This Act—passed in 1986—granted full immunity to pharmaceutical companies from penalty due to vaccines. Thus, if a vaccine harms a child or claims their life, parents cannot sue the manufacturer. It was after the Act was passed that vaccine production really ramped up. Note that the CDC recommended only 24 doses of 7 vaccines in 1983; today, they recommend 72 doses by age 18. 


Further, the U.S. DHHS was to be carrying out regular research on vaccine safety since the passing of the Act. A lawsuit revealed in 2018 they have never completed a single study in 32 years, via ICANI wouldn’t buy a car seat from a manufacturer that never tested their product for controlled safety and cannot be sued if it permanently disables my child. Just saying.

Who Is Causing All The Outbreaks?


To be fair and unbiased, we need to examine vaccines, because many of them contain live viruses and shed. That’s right; when a child is vaccinated with the MMR, Shingles, Polio, FluMist, or Chicken Pox vaccinesthey then carry that contagion around with them and can spread it to others even if they have no symptoms of illness. The CDC readily admits this, and it’s clearly laid out in the manufacturer inserts from the FDA.


pay attention now when alleged outbreaks are reported, like the mumps “outbreak” two years ago at Harvard University, in which every afflicted party was vaccinated, as per the Boston GlobeWhy aren’t the non-vaccinated as afflicted? Perhaps it’s because their immune systems haven’t been compromised by injections of heavy metals, potentially carcinogenic polysorbate 80, formaldehyde and more. Who knows! Someone should study that.

All About Adjuvants


Speaking of those ingredients… What’s an adjuvant? In short, they are components in vaccines that are added to increase immune response. One adjuvant is the aluminum added vaccines. It stimulates the immune system because it is actually toxic. The FDA notes the maximum amount of aluminum someone should receive via IV in a day is 25 mcg, but many vaccines contain far more than that.


For instance, Pediarix contains 850 mcg, and Recombivax for Hepatitis B contains 500 mcgAluminum eats away at the myelin sheath, which exists to protect the brain. Some children will be injured as a result, as was Lorrin, pictured above with her mother, Karen Kain, who—like many other parents in her shoes—has since become a champion for the cause of vaccine injury. Lorrin passed away at age 15.


One of the most compelling factors in being anti-vaccine for me is that at the time when pharmaceutical companies claimed to remove all mercury from vaccines (something else that isn’t actually true as the law grants them permission to use it still in manufacturing as long as it’s under a certain threshold—and they don’t have to include it as an ingredient), they then added aluminum—another neurotoxic heavy metal.


So, if we were just trading one ingredient that can damage the brain and body with another that can do the same, what’s changed? How are they safer? Are they?

The Research That Supports Vaccines



I’d like to see unbiased research with true controls that follow the scientific method. But pharmaceutical companies are allowed to fund and carry out their own research. I’d much rather see independent parties who don’t stand to gain billions of dollars from a drug passing safety studies carrying those studies out. The independent studies versus those carried out by vaccine manufacturers tend to produce glaringly different results.


This concerns me. As do claims from doctors like Paul Offit (pictured above) that tout vaccine safety with no regard for the studies that say otherwise. Offit—a self-made millionaire—marketed the rotavirus vaccine and has participated in said studies himself. In any other field, this would be considered a conflict of interest.


Let us not forget that doctors were once paid to endorse tobacco and told their patients it was good for them. I’ve had doctors personally tell me that they’ve been offered bonuses to push more vaccines. More? When the current vaccine schedule has never even been tested for safety? 


Manufacturers don’t even have to use true placebos in their studies. They typically compare a vaccine against another vaccine or adjuvants. But wait. If they both contain the same potentially harmful adjuvants, then how is this a fair comparison? If you follow the scientific method, it’s not.

The Research The Media Isn’t Telling Us About


Health Impact News

A few years back, CDC Senior scientist William Thompson admitted to falsifying data on the 2004 MMR study he co-authored. Thompson provided Congressman Bill Posey with thousands of documents proving the study showed the MMR vaccine had a causative role in the development of autism, and the research team changed the data to make that result go away.


During a C-SPAN hearing, Posey asked CDC researcher Dr. Colleen Boyle to confirm that studies have been performed comparing vaccinated populations to non-vaccinated populations, and she stated officially that they have not. The “anti-vax” community has actually pushed hard for such studies. We want to see the outcome as much as anyone else. Why haven’t they been done? No, the science has not been settled. It’s been silenced. Stories like those of Colton Berrett (pictured above)—who lost his life last year following a long battle post-vaccine injury—need to be heard and investigated.

Doctors Know Not What They Do


I’m not blaming the doctors. But I do think it’s their place to put the scientist hat back on and stop pretending they never have to pick up a medical journal again post-graduation. Science and medicine are always changing. Why are we willing to admit doctors are contributing to the problem with opioid epidemics, misdiagnosis and more, but we behave like vaccines are off limits? Not all doctors believe vaccines are best, and many of them are treating vaccine-injured kids. Trust us when we say many medical professionals,l are well aware of the issue. Our doctors support us not vaccinating.


If vaccines didn’t cause any injuries, why would there be a government organization—the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System—in place to allow injuries to be reported? Did you know it is estimated by the Harvard study that less than 1-3 percent of injuries are ever reported to it though? It doesn’t surprise me, because the majority of nurses and doctors I have ever spoken to don’t even know what the signs of vaccine reaction are. When they find out, they’re often infuriated and feel immense guilt for not knowing the full scope of what they were recommending to their patients, much like Dr. Jim Sears of the TV show The Doctors confessed during his interview in the hit documentary, Vaxxedand his colleague Dr. Rachael Ross.

But The Kids Need Vaccines To Go To School


This was never true either. But it’s another thing we believe coming from the news and national or state-level organizations. In truth, the law allows for exemptions in every state. Five states allow only medical exemptions but the rest also offer religious and/or philosophical ones. However, that could change in the near future with more than 100 bills currently being proposed across the nation to restrict those rights.


Parents who are concerned about the freedom of choice need to speak up—now. In short, exemptions work like so: parents write a letter stating vaccines conflict with their beliefs and that’s it. The National Vaccine Information Center is a great resource to help parents navigate the laws in their state. I question: Why are we trying to trick parents into vaccinating if it’s harmless and only beneficial?

Where Did All Of This Anti-Vaccine Stuff Start Anyway?



Did Andrew Wakefield claim vaccines cause autism? No. Did he tell people not to vaccinate? Nope. His paper, and I quote, read:

“We have identified a chronic enterocolitis in children that may be related to neuropsychiatric dysfunction. In most cases, onset of symptoms was after measles, mumps, and rubella immunization. Further investigations are needed to examine this syndrome and its possible relation to this vaccine.”

“Andy” (as those of us who adore him refer to this misunderstood hero) wanted further studies, and it became abundantly clear that the pharmaceutical industry did not want the same.


Many aren’t even aware there were other participants on that study—perhaps because they sat down and zipped their lips when they were told to. Wakefield wouldn’t be silence. Anyone interested in discovering what happened to him throughout those court proceedings, and how there have since been multiple scholarly studies supporting Wakefield’s initial study, should check out The Pathological Optimist. Countless studies have since confirmed Dr. Wakefield’s findings.

Celebrity Status


New York Post

No, it wasn’t Jenny McCarthy either. I actually never picked up a book penned by the notable Playboy bunny until a couple of years ago. And I cried most of the way through it. I challenge others to read Louder than Words and put themselves in her shoes as she goes through the motions of watching her infant seizing in his crib, failing to breathe


She’s hardly alone. UFC fighter Nick Catone and his wife Marjorie lost their son to vaccines in 2017. Comedian Rob Schneider has long had his feet firmly planted in our camp. Jessica Biel, wife to Justin Timberlake, has most recently come out fighting mandates in California.

Kat Von D announced late last year she wouldn’t be vaccinating her son Leafar, born in December. Many who are vegan—like Kat—don’t believe in injecting DNA from cattle, cocker spaniels, monkeys and more into their bodies, and there’s no way around that with vaccines. Many pro-life advocates also aren’t keen on vaccines using tissue from aborted babies. It’s not all about conspiracy theories, folks. Vaccines do conflict with many closely held moral and religious beliefs.

Who Can We Trust?


Still, I don’t think we should be making medical choices based on what celebrities do. In our home, we stick with scholarly research. What about esteemed professionals like Dr. Forrest Maready, Dr. Sherri Tenpenny and MIT researcher Stephanie Seneff —who readily tout the harm vaccines can bring? Stephanie’s work showing the pervasive presence of glyphosate (that’s the same Round-Up weed killer facing billion dollar lawsuits for causing cancer right now) in vaccines is impressive.

Jenny McCarthy was an easy target. Why don’t we see the media ridiculing MIT scholars? Who would win that debate?


The anti-vaccine movement actually started in the mid-1800s, around the same time that vaccines came into play to begin with, per the History of Vaccines. Now that I’ve empowered myself and done the research on my own, I have no worries about who to trust. I trust myself. I trust my ability to make the right choices for my children.

Let’s Be Clear About Autism


No, I wouldn’t rather lose our child than have a child with a developmental disorder. But is that the choice we’re supposed to settle for now? Have we become so conditioned to accepting the skyrocketing rates of ADHD, Autism, Childhood Diabetes and more that we just rolled over and accepted this new normal? Sorry, that’s not good enough for our family. A court ruled last summer that vaccines contributed to SIDS in the case of infant demise.


SIDS was even reported as an adverse event in the formerly used Tripedia manufacturer insert, as was autism and a host of other brain-damaging side effects. Hannah Poling was awarded over $1.5 million in her vaccine-induced autism case. I have learned that just because the mainstream news networks—who are sponsored by pharmaceutical companies—aren’t reporting on something, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

Coming Clean


I quit my job, which eventually led to a slew of positions I’ve juggled as a regular contributor to several sites, and now to launching my own site. Yay! I had no plan in sight but knew that the track I was on was not “well with my soul,” as they say. It was in my time being unemployed and having no idea where my career was going that I told everyone I loved and even people I barely knew that I was “anti-vaccine.” And you know what happened? Only good things.


I haven’t lost any friends that I’ve noticed; they are still near and dear to me. I have actually only gained friends. As they also say, your vibe attracts your tribe. I’ve had many others come forward telling me they too do not vaccinate. I have helped parents educate themselves so they can make more informed choices for their families. I sleep soundly at night.

A Day In The Life


I will never be able to prove vaccines harmed my child. We have accepted our life as what it is. These days, that baby boy is well into his teens. But he still has tantrums akin to a toddler. He struggles to have continuous relationships with peers. The social cues just aren’t there. There are such minor things the rest of us take for granted that are missing for him… like the instinctual knowledge of how to engage in conversation with someone else. My child just doesn’t tend to really respond during conversation.


Out of respect for his privacy, I will not go into detail about his more personal issues that are still alike to a small child’s and would serve to potentially embarrass him. He’s one of many and he does not feel blessed or gifted in the slightest. He’s had no “normal” childhood. He will never have that.

What Lies Ahead


Vaccines ProCon

I don’t know if my story will help someone else or not. What I do know is I can expect backlash, and that’s okay. When you’re living this life every day, the opinions of others are the least of our priorities to entertain. We have bigger problems. Perhaps though, if people start seeing this as a problem that is going to impact them, too, something will change. Who will care for the 1 in 59 with autism alone when their parents pass on?


The Journal of the American Medical Association notes the average lifetime cost of caring for just one person with ASD is $1.4 and can reach $2.4 million if coupled with an intellectual disability, which many are. Where will the money come from? Who will help the adults when the CDC starts pushing to enforce the adult vaccination schedule (pictured above)?


Are we all really fully aware? Did you know everything I mentioned here before you read my words? I believe parents and children deserve the opportunity to have truly informed consent. For those on the “pro-vax” side, I respect their choice. But I do ask: before assuming why someone is against vaccines—ask them. Ask if they’ll be caring for a disabled kid that can’t speak or be potty-trained for the rest of their life. Ask how it’s crippled their marriage or ruined it entirely.


Consider that vaccine-induced SIDS may have caused them to lose their child before claiming they are out to harm yours. Question whether they are hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt due to medical bills. Put yourself in their shoes before mentioning you vaccinate and your kid is fine. Their child may not be. Perhaps, just listen, even just once. We have a story to tell, and it’s usually like nothing you’ve ever heard before.


References: American Journal of the Public Health AssociationWashington TimesJournal of Toxicology and Environmental HealthNew York TimesCDCCDCCDCICAN,CDCFDABoston GlobeFDAEzineC-SPAN via YouTube, Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, NVICNVICThe LancetThe Pathological OptimistHINAmazonVaxxedAge of AutismNick CatoneVaxxedKat Von D InstagramCDCAVNHistory of VaccinesCourt ListenerCBS NewsCBS NewsCDCJournal of the American Medical Association


    1. MamaKin

      #Fix1986 Lets Repeal the 1986 Vaccine Injury Act and Make The Pharmaceutical Companies Liable Again in the case of Vaccine Injury. Only then will the pharmaceutical companies no longer be motivated to buy our Representatives votes to force bills into law taking away our freedom to choose what is healthy and right for us and our children.

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